Mae Krell accepts her place in the world with ‘(i think) i might be grown’

Recommended Tracks: “to begin,” “for now,” “apollo’s song”
Artists You Might Like: Olive Klug, Faye Webster, Lucy Dacus

When we arrive into this world, we are not given any kind of instructions, no manual on how to live life. Sure, we are told what’s good or what’s bad, how to act, what’s appropriate… But as far as when we should grow up or how we should grow up, it’s all on our own terms. It’s very strange, and when it comes down to it, nobody has the key or the secret to growing up. If we need some advice or validating words about it, however, we can turn to Mae Krell. Over the years, the indie folk artist has been up front about who she is and how she feels, transforming very personal experiences into emotional songs that tell universal truths. On her debut album, (i think) i might be grown, Mae lets us into her world once again, addressing her fears, thoughts about relationships, and overall peace she has with herself. It’s an album that will allow others to take their time with growing up, as growing up is easier said than done.

Everyone has fears. They can vary from person to person and change on the daily, but we all have something that makes us afraid, makes us cry. The beauty of Mae’s music is that she will go there, giving us details about the scary thoughts or actions that she faces on a regular basis. She looks at her past relationships on “too hard,” wondering if they ended because she was just “too hard” to love. Accompanied by playful percussion, gentle horns, and sunny guitar to appease her troubling thoughts, Mae sings, “Scared of living but I don’t know much else / Is this the best it’s gonna get?” She also asks, “Is loving me just way too hard?” concerned that she always ends up alone because she is a lot to handle. Along with this fear is a fear that she has for letting go of the city she knows best, as heard on “this place.” It’s a very humble track, with Mae showing pride for her hometown. At the same time, she feels like she needs to move on, expressed in lines like, “You all say I turned out fine / But I’m still searching for what you all came to find” and “I’m terrified of changing / Is it worse to stay the same? / If I let myself / I’ll spend forever trying to leave this place.” Additionally, Mae is trying to adjust to the fact that she is at an age she thought she’d never see. On “apollo’s song,” she sings, “Dreams were a luxury that I couldn’t afford” and “I’m living a future I never thought I’d have,” trying to make sense of her place in the world. It’s a bittersweet song to take in, as you feel proud of her for getting to this point but after hearing lines like, “I’m starting to worry that I’ll never adapt to this” and “What do you do with a life you didn’t plan for?” you also feel woeful for her.

One of the most difficult aspects of growing up is dealing with relationships, both old and new. Mae compares herself to her friends on “who we said we’d be,” observing the ways that they have settled into adulthood. The horns throughout the track make it seem as if we are having a cozy night in at a jazz club, ready to indulge in the soothing sounds of guitar and percussion. She admits, “Late nights make it look like everyone stayed in touch except me / Looks like they all grew up into who we said we’d be,” wanting to be on their level. With “for now” and “feeling too much,” Mae turns to romantic relationships. There is a darkness to “for now” that represents the doubts she brings into a new relationship. Over the intricate guitar and drum work, she shares, “I worry that / I’m letting myself fall in love with you / And I fear that / I won’t want to run anymore,” struggling to give in to her desires. She does go all in, however, on “feeling too much,” which Mae has described as “the love song you write before you write an actual love song.” Guided by sweet strings, Mae gives us romantic lyrics like, “I love you / The only thing to fear / Is if you knew how much,” coming face to face with her feelings. It’s a commendable track, as Mae touches on a very real fear that others might have in a relationship that they feel so strongly about.

Of course, (i think) i might be grown contains tracks that more directly speak to the process of aging, living with yourself, and being at peace with your journey. Mae reflects on the issues she dealt with in childhood and the way they have influenced her habits in adulthood. Accompanied by a neo-jazz production that will put the listener at ease, Mae sings, “And I wonder when I’ll start sleeping through the whole night / I thought I would’ve aged into that by now / And if asking to belong is too much / Can I ask to begin?” ready to embrace a different perspective. There is also “body bag,” another reflective track that has Mae grappling to let go of guilt. She knows better than to get too caught up in her heavy thoughts, as we hear her mention, “I swear that I won’t put myself in a body bag / Not anymore.” Still, there are times when she brings herself down, which is difficult to process. When we get to the final track on the album, “grown,” Mae has finally found peace. Against the frolicking production made complete with innocent guitar work, she realizes that life doesn’t end when you become “grown.” If anything, all the reservations you have about getting older get worse, but they also seem conquerable. As she delivers lines like, “I’m still scared of the dark / Terrified of growing up / But I think I might be grown / I’m still scared of aging / Terrified of clocks turning / But I think I might be grown,” there is a confidence that also comes out, letting us know that Mae can handle whatever comes next.

For Mae, (i think) i might be grown is more than just an album – it’s her way of validating everything she has in life and everything she has to offer. She explained, “Making this album has felt like solidifying and claiming my place in this world. I’m meant to be here, and I was from the day I was born. It just took me until 25 to see it.” With these songs, Mae finds the closure she needs while giving others an opportunity to find closure as well. She also stresses that there is no rush to come into your own, no proper way to get there. In the end, if you know you have changed for the better or if you can accept all that lies ahead, you have arrived.