NEWS!

Forsaken Song Takes Its Life

by Mansoor Syed

A not-so-hit single — “There For Tomorrow” — by the Backstreet Boys has committed suicide after having been neglected for the last two years in a Chicagoan’s 5th generation iPod Nano.

Kenneth, who lives in Chicago, had downloaded the now deceased song onto his iPod last year on September 19th as part of a compilation album, but had never even once heard it or even bothered listening to it. It would appear that the song could no longer bear such libel and loneliness.

Kenneth became aware of the tragedy when he found the song missing during his commute to his office in Chicago.

“I noticed a single text file among the few dozen songs on my playlist,” the 22-year-old recalled. “I opened it and found a suicide note. It was signed ‘Yours Truly – There For Tomorrow’… it was then I realized that that was the one song that I would skip every morning.”

18mm43lo2krszjpg.jpgThe investigation.

Police have registered a suicidal death case and are currently analyzing the suicide note.

“It is apparent from the [suicide] note that the song was very depressed… [and] it felt like it was burdening the poor little 4 gb memory drive it inhabited. In the note, it blamed its producer, Carl Lundin, for failing to impress Kenneth,” states Inspector Wilson of the local police station.

Inspector Wilson shares here an excerpt from the note:

“Among the myriad songs on this 4 gigabyte hard disk drive, I am alone. Kenneth wakes his iPod every morning — and with it he awakens my desire to be played… but then he plays the song above me, and then he plays the one below me. Is there a point to such a life? Both of these songs later demean and degrade me. [I] Don’t think I can deal with this any longer…”

We contacted some of the deceased song’s neighbors:

“Kenneth always shuffled his playlists. In the last few days, ‘There For Tomorrow’ was placed close to a few blues songs… that may have pushed it into depression,” stated They Don’t Love You Anymore, who was There For Tomorrow’s next-door neighbor on the MP3 playlist.

Other members of the playlist, too, tried to give clean accounts for themselves. Some motivational songs on the playlist declared that they tried motivating There For Tomorrow by playing themselves, but all attempts were made in vain.

Meanwhile, the Chicago police’s chief commissioner has called an emergency meeting to decide if they should charge Carl Lundin, Kenneth, or those two songs with ‘abetment of suicide’.

Civilians are advised to listen to each of the songs on their iPods to prevent further suicides like There For Tomorrow’s.

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